BY THE OPTIMIST DAILY EDITORIAL TEAM
When you hear the term “self-help,” you may envision a stack of books with catchy, motivational titles. However, self-help is more than just feel-good mantras or superficial optimism. In reality, Sasha Heinz, Ph.D., a developmental psychologist and positive psychology expert, believes that it is much more than simply thinking positively. Self-help is not ‘fluffy’ or ‘frivolous.’ “It’s universal and real,” she explains.
So, what do we still get wrong with self-help? Heinz debunks the three most popular myths and explains why we need to reconsider what personal growth really entails.
Myth #1: only positive vibes allowed
There’s a widespread misconception that self-help is all about having a constant happy attitude—”good vibes only.” But Heinz contends that this perspective is actually restrictive. “People [think] this self-development work is cheesy or it’s about good vibes only,” according to her. “That is so untrue.”
While optimism is necessary, Heinz adds that a healthy dose of realism is required for genuine advancement. “Dream big, and then brush that dream up against cold, hard reality,” she suggests. “Maybe it’s your skill set, the current climate, resources… Use a strategic mindset and say, ‘These are the obstacles. How am I going to overcome these?'”
You’re significantly more likely to succeed if you recognize potential problems and devise a strategy than if you simply focus on positive thinking. “That little bit of tension or inner friction is actually important because it activates us to take action. It makes us do something,” Heinz says.
Myth 2: some people are simply not “into” self-help
There is a common idea that self-help is only for certain types of people, but Heinz believes that improvement is possible for anybody. “We pretend it’s like, ‘This person is into it, and this person isn’t,’ [but] we’re all in this process of growth and development,” she says. “We all fundamentally agree that children develop—so do adults.”
She encourages us to treat adulthood in the same way that we approach childhood: as a never-ending process of learning and development. “What if we lived our adult life like that, too?” she asks. “That is our great task in life, to continue to grow in the same way kids do in childhood.” If you are not growing, you are stalling, regardless of your age.
Myth 3: you can hack your way into mindfulness
In a world obsessed with instant gratification, it’s tempting to imagine there’s a shortcut to mindfulness. But Heinz warns against this mindset. “This notion that you’re going to find the quickest hack, to me, is something that reduces effort,” she says. Mindfulness involves more than simply a quick trick; it necessitates consistency and intention.
That is not to imply that techniques like breathing exercises or mood-boosting tips aren’t useful, but Heinz emphasizes the importance of long-term habit changes. “Don’t think about it as a mindset hack. It’s really more about changing your daily habits,” she explains. Mindfulness, like any other talent, requires time and practice to fully master.
Self-help is for everyone
Self-help and personal development are not as simple as being happy or implementing a quick fix. As Heinz puts it, true self-development necessitates honest contemplation, a desire to progress, and, yes, some discomfort. “Any accomplishment requires a lot of uncomfortable action,” she argues.
So, the next time you believe self-help isn’t for you, remember Heinz’s advice: it’s not about being “into” self-help, but about committing to growth and development in all aspects of your life.
