Today’s Solutions: March 27, 2023

When it comes to the topic of speaking up about your needs in the bedroom, many of us don’t feel like we can,  leaving us unsatisfied.   


The cause of this is complex, with problems stemming from societal influences, self-esteem, less than satisfactory past experiences, pornography, religious influences, sexual assault, mental health, and more. Changing the narrative around pleasure to yourself and your partner is key to adjusting your outlook.

Here are some tips to help you on your way to a more fulfilled sex life and to unlock your inner desires.

Realize and explore your own needs

When it comes to sex, consider what you want. Many of us ditch our own needs and solely focus on our partner’s enjoyment. This can seem like an overwhelming task if you’ve never explored and accepted the importance your own pleasure, but it’s okay if you are still clueless! Each individual’s journey to sexual discovery and acceptance has its own goals and challenges. 

To get more acquainted with what you like in the bedroom, why not spend time on your own figuring this out? This way, you have no pressure to perform and can take as long as you need to focus purely on yourself. Using toys or your hands, porn or just your imagination, whatever feels most comfortable.

Discuss your sexual needs with your partner

Where does your discomfort lie? Do you need to set more time for sexual intimacy? What challenges may be interfering with sex? What gives you individual and multiple enjoyments? How can you reignite romance? Has sex become routine and predictable? What changes can you make to counteract this?

These are just a few examples of questions you can ask yourself and your partner to build a more honest and open ground on which to build your sexual relationship. Directly addressing what both of your expectations are when it comes to sex, allows you to lay out a plan on how to proceed.

Compromise is sometimes key

It takes two to tango. Therefore, differing sexual needs may be putting pressure on your ability to express what you need from your partner. Many factors can have an impact, including stress, libido, aging, and social, professional, and family commitments.

Again, the best route to go down is communication. Having a discussion about both of your concerns and needs will allow a more harmonious solution to be reached. Although, remember to be as nonjudgmental and sensitive as you can. Talking about this topic can be uncomfortable and takes a lot of vulnerability.

There’s nothing wrong with seeking professional help

Despite your greatest efforts, sometimes problems in the bedroom are caused by factors outside of your control. Part of addressing your own sexual needs may be consulting a professional.

Factors such as vaginal dryness, cancer, depression, low self-esteem, menopause, past trauma, and more, maybe limiting your sexual pleasure. There’s nothing shameful about seeing a doctor or sex therapist if you think this assistance could improve your life for the better.

So there you have it, some tips to invigorate your sex life. The best sex comes from equal importance of each others pleasure and feeling like you can openly express yourself.

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