You always have a choice to empower your and your partner’s hearts to synergistic action, or not. And so does your partner. In moments when things are feeling out of sync, we can sometimes lose hope that we can ever find the trust and balance that we once shared.  When you realize you always have a choice to emote words or actions that “move” you and your partner’s mind and body away from emotions like fear, then you can come together in harmony.

But if you’re not quite sure how to amp up the synergy in your relationship, these four steps will help show you the way.

Pause to understand fear as an action signal and teacher

Fear is an opportunity to listen and tune in more closely. It may be a call to take a seemingly small action, such as to pause and be aware of your self-talk, to better understand how your thoughts, emotions, physical sensations, and actions all work together.

When fear rears its head, the winning argument can be to respond by being present in mind and body, an essential first step to better understand the self and the other, to empathize, validate one other’s feelings and wants, and so on.

Resolve to never let fear take over your imagination

You know when fear is in charge of your mind and body because, automatically, you’re in a rabbit hole where everything seems dark. Rather than shrink from the discomfort of fear, opt to transform fear to powerful energy. And invite your partner to do the same! It will take both of you working together.

Shift away from bullying to inspiring partnership and teamwork

No matter how logical an argument, if one partner comes to feel they are getting the short end of the stick, or being asked to act against their own behalf, both will lose with high costs to their relationship. The real winning argument is an offering of mutual understanding of one another’s wants and yearnings.

Think of actions that keep you following your bliss

As partners, clarify and share a vision that inspires you both to grow heart-power synergy in your relationship. Brainstorm conscious ways you each take action, some small steps, if only a smile, to reinforce the positive direction you yearn to take or goal to realize.