BY THE OPTIMIST DAILY EDITORIAL TEAM

The holidays are a time for family, friends, and food, which means we’ll bask in love and happiness. But all of this celebration and togetherness also often comes with an uptick in stress, chaos, and exhaustion. If this feels familiar, you’re not alone. According to a recent survey by the American Heart Association, 63 percent of Americans find the holiday season more stressful than tax season. While the holiday bustle may appear unavoidable, there is one number worth noting: 71 percent regret not taking the time to unwind and appreciate it all.

Cara Houser, the author of Burned Out to Lit Up: Ditch the Grind and Reclaim Your Life, hopes to change this narrative. “We’ve come to think of stress as universal and almost inevitable,” Houser reflects. However, she emphasizes, “Burnout is soul death by 1,000 self-betraying cuts.”

During the holiday season, bad habits such as putting yourself last, overcommitting, and fearing other people’s disappointment become amplified. “When you’re a doer and you keep doing stuff, more stuff starts falling onto your plate,” she explains.” “You’re never going to get to the bottom of the to-do list.”

The good news? It does not have to be this way. Houser discusses four strategies for avoiding holiday burnout, managing stress, and rediscovering the joy of the season.

1. Make space

Attempting to please everyone, except yourself, is a common cause of burnout. “You haven’t failed to get there,” Houser says. “You’ve just subscribed to this fiction that it’s possible to be perfect at doing multiple full-time jobs at the same time.”

What’s the solution? Create room on your calendar and in your head.

Begin by examining where your time and energy are going. Be relentless in identifying activities that deplete rather than energize you. Freeing up your calendar might seem like removing a weight off your shoulders, giving you the clarity and energy to focus on what’s most important.

2. Set boundaries

Ah, setting boundaries—the elusive talent that many of us wish we’d perfected before the holiday pandemonium began. Houser emphasizes that setting boundaries is a way of life, not just a one-time fix.

“Make boundaries part of your everyday practice, so when life comes knocking—which it will—you’re better equipped to stay centered,” she advises.

The reality is that you cannot please everyone. And that’s fine. “Your job is to make really healthy choices for yourself in concert with others in your inner circle,” Houser says.

If you’re afraid of disappointing others, remember that it’s unavoidable. “The root of boundary setting is getting a little more comfortable with others being disappointed,” she points out.

3. Let go of obligations

The holidays are fertile ground for guilt-inducing “shoulds.” “Part of the reason we get burned out during the holidays is because we get wrapped up in what it needs to look like, what we imagine other people are doing, and what we assume we should be doing,” Houser explains.

Spoiler alert: many of these “obligations” are self-imposed. Houser recommends swapping “should” for “choose.” Ask yourself:

• What do I choose to do?

• Who do I choose to spend time with?

• Where do I choose to focus my energy?

Empowering oneself with choices relieves the pressure of traditions, duties, and unwarranted expectations. Houser cautions us: “The rush and overwhelm of this season create a sense of urgency, which feels real—but it’s also a little bit false.”

4. Have a plan

A little planning can go a long way. Houser proposes setting aside time to contemplate and answer three important questions:

1. How would you like to feel this holiday season? (Think: calm, cheerful, and present.)

2. What situations, individuals, or activities trigger this feeling?

3. What is required to make it happen?

“It may be difficult to find answers to these questions,” Houser recognizes. “Most burned-out or busy people haven’t asked themselves, ‘What do I need?’ or ‘What would a beautiful season feel and look like for me?’”

When you don’t prioritize your personal happiness, you risk going through the holidays on autopilot. “You’ll come out on the other side feeling it didn’t work out as you hoped,” Houser says.

Joy starts with you

You and you alone are responsible for making yourself happy this holiday season. Let that sink in.

You can rewrite your holiday tale by making space, setting boundaries, letting go of extraneous obligations, and planning ahead of time. Houser says: “If you don’t take the time to make decisions for yourself, it’s how you get burned out.”

This season, take back your time, energy, and joy. Because the holidays should be a gift, not a burden.