BY THE OPTIMIST DAILY EDITORIAL TEAM

Raising confident kids might sound like a lofty goal, but luckily, it doesn’t require perfection. According to clinical psychologist and author of For What It’s Worth: A Perspective on How to Thrive and Survive Parenting, Dr. Bethany Cook, it all starts with small, everyday moments: how we respond to mistakes, how we talk about ourselves, and whether we create space for kids to explore, fall down, and get back up again.

“Raising confident kids involves fostering a belief in their abilities and security in their identity,” Dr. Cook explains. Here’s how to do just that, in a way that feels realistic, encouraging, and even a little bit fun.

1. Praise effort, not just results

You probably already know that cheering your child on matters. But what you cheer for makes a big difference. “Kids need to know they are valued for who they are and not just what they do,” says Dr. Cook. That means recognizing how hard they practiced for the school play or how bravely they tried a new skill, not just whether they nailed the outcome.

This teaches kids that success isn’t the only thing worth celebrating. Effort and growth count, too. And when kids know their worth isn’t tied to achieving perfect results, they’re more likely to keep trying, even when things get tough.

2. Let them make (safe) choices

Confidence comes from experience, and experience requires autonomy. According to Dr. Cook, one of the best things you can do for your child’s self-esteem is to let them make age-appropriate decisions. Think: picking their own outfits, choosing how to spend their downtime, or deciding what snack they want after school.

“Letting kids make decisions helps them build trust in themselves,” Dr. Cook says. It also shows that their opinions matter, and this powerful message will stick with them well into adulthood.

3. Encourage them to try new things (even if they might fail)

“Confidence isn’t about being fearless; it’s about doing things despite fear,” explains Dr. Cook. That means gently nudging kids to try something new. Whether that’s joining a sports team or learning how to skateboard, the key is to stop yourself from rescuing them at the first sign of discomfort.

The goal isn’t to guarantee success; it’s to help them build resilience. When kids try new things and survive the awkward, uncertain parts, they start to believe in their own ability to handle life’s curveballs.

4. Model the kind of confidence you want to see

Here’s the tough love part: if you want to raise confident kids, you’ll need to work on your own self-talk. “Kids learn a ton by watching,” says Dr. Cook. “If you speak kindly about yourself, try new things, and recover from mistakes with grace, they’ll mirror that same self-trust.”

That means swapping “I’m such an idiot” for “Oops, I made a mistake. I’ll try again.” It also means being willing to step out of your own comfort zone (hello, adult pottery class? Or weeknight salsa lessons?) to show that growth never stops.

5. Let them know they’re loved, no matter what

This may sound obvious, but it bears repeating: unconditional love is the foundation of confidence. “Confidence grows when kids feel seen, supported, and loved no matter what,” Dr. Cook emphasizes.

So, whether your child bombs the talent show or forgets their lines in the school play, find moments to say: I love how brave you were. I’m proud of how hard you tried. You matter just as you are.

Helping confidence take root

Confidence isn’t something kids are born with; it’s something they build, one encouraging moment at a time. And with these simple, research-backed parenting strategies, you’ll be giving your kids the tools to believe in themselves for life.