BY THE OPTIMIST DAILY EDITORIAL TEAM
The Optimist Daily team knows better than anyone: between the pressure to “stay positive” and the pull of doomscrolling, finding a realistic middle ground can sometimes feel impossible. We all know that relentless cheeriness isn’t the answer. Neither is spiraling into worst-case-scenario thinking. So, what is the path to a genuinely more positive mindset that doesn’t require fake smiles or forced positivity?
Start with neutral instead of sunshine and rainbows
Trying to force optimism can feel like putting a glitter sticker on a cracked phone screen. It simply doesn’t fix the problem. That’s why Laurie Santos, PhD, professor of psychology at Yale and host of The Happiness Lab podcast, suggests starting from a less pressurized place: emotional neutrality.
“You don’t have to be relentlessly or delusionally cheerful,” she explains. “Your brain is smart enough to know when you’re faking it.” So rather than forcing silver linings where there are none, aim for calm realism. For example, if someone hasn’t texted you back, try swapping “They’re ghosting me” for “They haven’t responded yet, and that’s making me anxious—but I don’t really know why.” Simply softening your internal monologue can open the door to a more balanced outlook.
Cut the absolutes
“Nothing ever works out for me.” “I always mess things up.” Sound familiar? These black-and-white phrases might feel true in the moment, but according to therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, they only feed a pessimistic spiral.
Instead, reframe with specifics. Morin suggests replacing all-or-nothing thinking with facts: “I didn’t get the apartment I wanted” is very different from “Life never goes my way.” Likewise, “I bombed that presentation” is a lot healthier than “I can’t do anything right.” These small shifts create space for nuance, and that’s where a steadier, more realistic optimism lives.
Prepare for the worst—but with a plan
Rather than dodging worst-case-scenario thoughts, Morin recommends confronting them head-on with a strategy. “Ask yourself: if the worst does happen, then what?”
Let’s say you’re nervous about a job interview. Imagine the worst: you don’t get the offer. Then ask: what’s next? Maybe you’ll revise your resumé or schedule a networking call. You’re not manifesting failure, you’re reminding yourself you have options. This method doesn’t just calm nerves; it helps you feel more in control, which naturally makes room for hope.
Look at your resilience resume
Sometimes, the best proof that you’ll get through something hard is remembering what you’ve already overcome. “Think back to a time when you were sure you couldn’t handle something—and did,” Morin says.
That breakup that felt like the end of the world? The panic after blanking during a work presentation? You survived those. You learned. You healed. Reflecting on past resilience can help rewire your brain to trust your capacity to handle hard things, which is a quietly powerful kind of positivity.
Celebrate the little wins (yes, they count)
Sure, finishing a marathon or landing your dream apartment is worthy of celebration. But you don’t need a life milestone to validate progress. Dr. Santos recommends noticing one small win each day, like “your coffee was extra good” or “your hair didn’t rebel today.”
“When we train our brains to notice what’s going right, even in chaos, it builds a more realistic foundation for a positive mindset,” she says. Optimism isn’t a personality trait. It’s a practice. And it often starts with noticing what’s quietly working in your favor.
