BY THE OPTIMIST DAILY EDITORIAL TEAM
“Who’s your best friend?”
It’s a question many of us grew up answering on playgrounds and in cafeterias, a marker of social worth reinforced by movies and TV shows. From Christina and Meredith in Grey’s Anatomy to Blair and Serena in Gossip Girl, pop culture tells us that true friendship means having one ride-or-die.
But what happens if you don’t?
“This idea of having one singular BFF can feel like proof that you’re loved and secure,” says Christina Ferrari, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in Miami. The notion is that if someone has declared you their “best,” then you’ve achieved the gold standard of friendship. Yet Ferrari emphasizes that not having a best friend isn’t a sign of failure; it’s simply reality. The one-and-only BFF is an idealized standard that most people can’t, and according to research, shouldn’t even try to meet.
The myth that leaves us guilty and insecure
Barbie Atkinson, LPC, founder of Catalyst Counseling in Houston, calls the “BFF trope” a wonderful fantasy, but one that “clashes profoundly with the reality of adulting.”
To maintain a Grace-and-Frankie-level friendship, you’d need near-constant availability, total alignment in life stages and priorities, and freedom from outside pressures like family, partners, or work. “So while the essence of unwavering loyalty and deep understanding can exist in adult friendships, the manifestation of this constant availability and all-encompassing presence is unrealistic for the vast majority,” Atkinson explains.
Even if it were possible, experts note that a hyper-attached, almost codependent dynamic isn’t ideal. “It’s the same reason we don’t put all our investments in one stock,” Ferrari says. “Putting all of your emotional needs into one person just isn’t healthy or sustainable.”
Building a circle that supports you
Instead of striving for one best friend, Atkinson suggests celebrating the variety of roles different people can play in your life:
The emotional anchor:
Your confidant for vulnerable conversations about heartbreak, family challenges, or tough days.
The practical problem-solver:
The friend who helps you think through career decisions, financial moves, or travel plans.
The playmate:
The one who brings out your fun, spontaneous side. They’re perfect for last-minute adventures and light-hearted banter.
The contextual companion:
These friends may not be in your inner circle, but they make daily life brighter, like a running buddy, a book club pal, or a coworker who makes lunch breaks more fun.
Why it’s okay not to have a BFF
So, despite what sitcoms and movies try to sell us, you don’t need a single crowned “best” friend to feel supported and loved. What matters most is the network of people who, together, provide happiness, validation, and a sense of belonging.
Letting go of the pressure to find one inseparable BFF opens the door to celebrating the friendships you do have. Each of which are valuable, unique, and worthy of appreciation.
