BY THE OPTIMIST DAILY EDITORIAL TEAM

A new year often comes with new intentions, new goals, and new calendars waiting to be filled. But before jumping into resolutions or performance-based productivity, it might be worth pausing to ask a deeper question: What’s actually driving you?

Is the motivation rooted in personal joy and meaning? Or is it more about proving something, keeping up, or satisfying someone else’s expectations?

Understanding the difference and making room for more intrinsic motivation could be the key to building a year that feels more fulfilling, aligned, and sustainable.

What is intrinsic motivation, really?

Psychologists generally group motivation into two categories: intrinsic and extrinsic. Intrinsic motivation is powered by curiosity, joy, or a sense of purpose. It’s what drives people to learn a new language, paint for fun, or train for a marathon just because it feels good.

“Intrinsic motivation is driven by our curiosity, what brings us joy, or what feels meaningful and important to us,” says Arati Patel, a licensed marriage and family therapist.

Extrinsic motivation, on the other hand, comes from outside sources. Think things like praise, rewards, approval, or social pressure. That’s not inherently a bad thing. External incentives can be useful, especially when they offer structure or accountability. But over time, if extrinsic motivation becomes the main engine, the results can include burnout, disconnection, and even physical symptoms.

“When you’re driven mainly by the external,” Patel explains, “it tends to leave [you] burnt out or [feeling] disconnected.”

Aura E. Martinez, an empowerment coach, adds that excessive reliance on external validation can show up as anxiety, low self-worth, insomnia, or chronic stress. It can also leave people questioning their identity, especially after achieving a goal that felt more obligatory than joyful.

How to tell the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation

It’s easy to assume that we always know what we want. But cultural conditioning, family expectations, and social comparison can cloud our judgment. Sometimes we chase goals without realizing they weren’t truly ours to begin with.

Martinez suggests getting curious about why a goal exists in the first place. “I help clients distinguish [between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation] by asking them not only what they want but why they want it,” she says.

Another clue? Language. If a sentence starts with “I should” more often than “I want,” that may point to extrinsic motivation.

Perhaps the most reliable indicator, however, is energy. According to both Patel and Martinez, exhaustion can be a red flag. Goals fueled by internal drive can still be tiring, but they don’t tend to leave people feeling drained or emotionally depleted. A soul-deep fatigue, on the other hand, may be a sign that something is off.

How to reconnect with your internal compass

To realign with intrinsic motivation, start with an “energy audit.” Martinez recommends tracking which activities leave you feeling energized and which leave you drained. Over time, this simple practice reveals patterns, and those patterns point toward what actually matters.

She also suggests asking questions like:

• What would I be doing if no one were watching?
• What would I choose if I weren’t trying to be the “good” daughter, partner, employee, or friend?
• Am I making this decision out of love or out of fear?

Another helpful tool is unscheduled time. Patel advises carving out blank space in the day and observing where the mind and body naturally gravitate when obligation isn’t steering the wheel.

Our bodies often know before we do. Tense shoulders, a clenched jaw, or a heavy feeling can be subtle signs of a disconnect between our actions and our deeper desires. “Authentic choices often feel lighter,” Patel notes, “while performing tends to feel tense or heavy.”

Navigating guilt and external pressure

Even when the desire to shift is clear, letting go of external motivation can be difficult, particularly if it’s tied to the expectations of people we care about.

“Letting go of external validation can stir guilt, shame, or fear of disappointing others,” Patel says. And those feelings are natural. But that doesn’t mean we’re stuck.

The key, Martinez explains, is self-compassion. We don’t have to overhaul our lives overnight. Start small. If people-pleasing at work is a challenge, maybe that means logging off at a reasonable hour once a week instead of staying late every day. These micro-boundaries help build confidence and self-trust.

A few practical ways to strengthen intrinsic motivation

If part of your New Year intention is to make decisions that come from within, here are a few starting points:

Name the source.

When you feel pulled toward a goal, ask: Whose voice is this? Is it mine, or does it belong to a parent, boss, or friend?

Do a values check.

Does this goal align with your core values? If not, is there a way to reframe it? For instance, maybe the drive to “stay fit” is externally motivated by beauty standards, but reframed as a way to feel strong and energized, it can align with deeper personal values.

Take baby steps.

You don’t have to quit the job or ditch the commitment immediately. Try softening your attachment to it. One small shift can lead to greater freedom over time.

Set boundaries gently but firmly.

Boundaries aren’t about shutting others out. They’re about giving yourself space to be who you are. And if you need support navigating them, reach out to a coach or therapist who can help you build that muscle.

The seasonal invitation to slow down

While the New Year often comes with a push to be more, do more, and accomplish more, it can also be a time for slowing down and tuning in. The truth is, taking time to reassess what drives us is part of creating a more intentional, meaningful year.

“This seasonal rhythm reminds us that it’s natural and healthy to pause, release, and reset,” says Martinez. Whether that means letting go of a draining goal or making space for something new, the beginning of the year is a powerful time to realign.

Final thoughts

Choosing intrinsic motivation isn’t about ignoring responsibility. It’s about grounding action in joy and purpose rather than pressure and performance. That’s how resilience is built. Not by gritting through burnout, but by connecting to something real.

This year, instead of chasing outcomes that look good on paper, try tuning into the things that feel good in your body and spirit. Let that be your compass.

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