Today’s Solutions: July 24, 2024


In every relationship, communication is vital. However, dealing with major issues or daunting topics might sometimes be difficult. This is where a ‘relationship audit’ comes into play—a systematic yet open-ended check-up to ensure your partnership is functioning well.

While the name may sound clinical, a relationship audit is anything but impersonal. It is about honestly discussing your feelings, irritations, and ambitions so that both partners feel understood and aligned. As Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship therapist, puts it, resolving relationship problems requires each person to feel truly understood: “A problem in a relationship cannot be solved until each person is able to say ‘Yes! You understand me. That’s exactly how I’m feeling.'”

Inspired by Gottman’s ‘State of the Union‘ meetings, which he suggests doing weekly, this audit encourages couples to check in on a regular basis—whether weekly, monthly, or quarterly. The goal is to create a climate of trust and honesty, where both partners feel heard and respected.

10 questions to fortify your relationship
What does a balanced relationship look like to you?

Balance in a relationship can entail a variety of things, including dividing home tasks and emotional work. Discussing your perspectives on what defines a balanced partnership can indicate whether your objectives coincide and where concessions may be required.

Where do you see our relationship in a year or five years?

This classic inquiry focuses on your future together. Do you picture yourselves living together, traveling, acquiring a pet, or even marrying? Discussing your long-term goals can help guarantee that both partners are on the same page and supporting each other’s dreams.

How often do you feel happy?

This question is critical for gaining insight into your major emotions. Expecting perpetual happiness in your relationship is unrealistic, but you should experience more pleasant feelings than bad ones. This chat can help discover areas for development to increase overall happiness.

What is something we frequently disagree about, and how can we resolve it?

Every couple has reoccurring disputes. Identifying these concerns and addressing solutions as a team, whether it’s about economics, trust, or old grievances, can help stop the cycle of conflict.

How do you feel when you think about our relationship?

Understanding your partner’s emotional condition when they consider your relationship is critical. Positive feelings like safety and joy indicate a healthy connection, however, negative emotions like anxiety or annoyance suggest areas that need to be addressed.

How satisfied are you with our sex life?

Sex is an important part of many relationships, and honest discussions about it are crucial. Addressing preferences, dislikes, and frequency without pressure or judgment can result in a more fulfilling and connected sexual relationship.

What is the next step in our relationship, and when do you see it happening?

Discussing the next steps ensures that both couples are on the same page, whether they are getting married, moving in together, or dating exclusively. Even if these milestones are far off, having a shared vision for the future helps to deepen the collaboration.

What are your thoughts on children, marriage, and splitting our finances?

These practical, yet vital, concerns can put a relationship to the test. Differences in opinions on children, marriage, or finances may appear unimportant at first, but they become increasingly important as the relationship progresses. Open and honest discussions can help to avert future confrontations.

Is there anything you would like me to do differently to improve our relationship?

Being open to constructive criticism is critical for development. Whether it’s about improving communication or developing tiny habits, approaching these difficulties with kindness will strengthen your bond.

What is your favorite thing about me?

End your audit on a happy note by reflecting on what you appreciate about one another. Avoid nonspecific praises and instead focus on what makes your relationship distinct and exceptional. This strengthens your relationship and reminds you why you selected each other.

Moving forward together

Conducting a relationship audit may appear scary at first, but it is a valuable tool for developing a better, healthier relationship. By checking in frequently and discussing these important issues, you can ensure that both partners feel appreciated, understood, and aligned with their goals. Trust and communication are the building blocks of any successful relationship, and this practice encourages both.

So take a big breath, grab a cup of coffee, a pot of tea, or a bottle of wine, and begin.

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